{"id":22528,"date":"2015-07-21T12:32:29","date_gmt":"2015-07-21T16:32:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/?p=22528"},"modified":"2016-02-04T15:26:55","modified_gmt":"2016-02-04T20:26:55","slug":"cheeses-and-yeezus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/cheeses-and-yeezus\/","title":{"rendered":"Cheeses & Yeezus: Dealing Dairy at San Francisco’s Outside Lands"},"content":{"rendered":"

This August 7-9, prepare yourself for a cheesy musical odyssey the likes of which you’ll be jazzed to hear about—<\/em>culture:<\/strong> the word on cheese is partnering with Napa Valley winery <\/em>Long Meadow Ranch<\/a> to bring you <\/em>Cheese Lands<\/a>, your one-stop shop for cheesy treats at this year’s <\/em>Outside Lands Music Festival<\/a> in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park! Take a peek at our main page<\/a> for the full menu, and enjoy this inside look at working last year’s booth.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

It\u2019s 11 AM, August 8, 2014, and I\u2019m sitting down at a picnic table in the middle of Golden Gate Park\u2019s eerily deserted Polo Field. I can feel the sun trying to pierce through the overcast sky. Perfect for me, accustomed to the foggy summers of the Northern California coast; not so hot for the girl in the neon faux-fur boots and nothing much else, eagerly standing in line just beyond the entry gates. Today marks the beginning of Outside Lands, a veritable gem of a music festival. Everyone here has faith the fog will burn. Everyone here is down for a good time.<\/p>\n

\"Cheeses+Yeezus_2\"<\/a><\/center><\/p>\n

I\u2019m working the register at Cheese Lands—brought to you by culture<\/strong> magazine and Napa Valley winery Long Meadow Ranch<\/a>—and I have never arrived earlier to a festival in my life. Outside Lands, which I\u2019ve attended a couple times before, is a Disneyland of good stages, great acts, and even better food, but it\u2019s an epic poem getting inside. Parking, as culture<\/strong> cofounder and Cheese Lands manager Lassa Skinner put it, is \u201cnonexistent.\u201d Finding a spot is a near-miracle. (\u201cIs it the first or second Friday of the month?\u201d you ask yourself in a busy street, holding up traffic and trying to avoid the sweepers). But once you\u2019re in, you\u2019re in, and the rest is a beautiful experience.<\/p>\n

Fate is on my side: I breeze through the box office. My vendor wristband\u2019s VIP status allows me to skip past the line of brightly clad and shivering Millennials. And now I am spit out into this huge space with only a handful of people and an hour to go before the first artists take the stage. Every inch of grass will be swarming with people, so I soak up the calm and quiet for as long as I can.\u2028<\/p>\n

\"Cheeses+Yeezus_3\"<\/a><\/center><\/p>\n

Before I know it I find myself standing before the large, artisanal wooden letters spelling out \u201cCheese Lands.\u201d The booth forms a little nook against the sea of people that flows to and from the main stages. Tall tables line a sidewall, and a waist-high wooden palisade carves out a space to mingle and munch in.<\/p>\n

I wave at Lassa, who\u2019s busily slicing through wheels and buckets and tubs of cheese with a handful of volunteer mongers. Lassa introduces me to the rectangular metal box filled with cash that will become my best bud. To my left I shake the hand of Tony, Lassa\u2019s husband and overall genial gent. To my right is Patrick, a young Brit still in Uni having a great time touring the States. And then we\u2019re off.<\/p>\n

\"Lassa<\/a>

Lassa Skinner takes a pic.<\/small><\/p><\/div><\/div>\n

I had studied the cheese menu intently last night and on the drive up here, and I\u2019m extremely grateful for all of the cheese knowledge I\u2019d acquired from my time working for culture<\/strong>—there\u2019s at least one cheese on every plate I know pretty well. In what would become my cheese litany for the weekend, literally sneaking into my dreams, I\u2019d explain to whoever came my way, \u201cWe\u2019ve got four cheese plates: a white wine pairing plate, a red wine pairing plate, a Truffle Lover\u2019s plate, and a Cheesemonger\u2019s Pick of five different cheeses.\u201d<\/p>\n

The curds and I become fast friends, and by the end of Outside Lands I could point them out and name them all: Marin French Petit Cr\u00e8me<\/a>, Sartori Merlot BellaVitano<\/a>, Vermont Creamery Bonne Bouche<\/a>, Central Coast Creamery Ewenique<\/a>, Fiscalini San Joaquin Gold<\/a>, Cypress Grove Humboldt Fog<\/a>, Point Reyes Farmstead Toma<\/a>, BelGioioso Truffle Burrata<\/a>, and on and on.<\/p>\n

The tide of festivalgoers ebbs and flows, but patterns begin to emerge. Seventy-five percent of people stand approximately eight feet away from the counter and the signs with the menu. They furrow their brows and converse in hushed tones, deliberating which plate to buy and wondering what the hell is<\/em> a farmstead toma, anyway? My fellow cashiers and I wave them over, shouting, \u201cAsk us questions!\u201d<\/p>\n

The people are overwhelmingly friendly, good-spirited, and pleasantly surprised that there\u2019s frickin\u2019 artisanal cheese<\/em> at this music festival. Some seem to be serendipitously dropped at Cheese Lands\u2019 doorstep, a mental Oh!<\/em> registering on their faces. Others make a beeline through the crowd of Vaudevillian performers in full-on mime makeup, weave around the hula-hooper in the Pikachu suit, and approach us directly with a confident, \u201cI WANT that burrata.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Cheeses+Yeezus_6\"<\/a><\/center><\/p>\n

Business is brisk and smooth, for the most part. A common misperception arises with two of our selections, the White Wine Plate and the Red Wine Plate. \u201cThey\u2019re pairings for<\/em> wine but do not come with<\/em> wine\u201d is the most diplomatic phrase I can come up with. In a true affirmation of the easygoing festival attitude (or, alternatively, general inebriation), I only encounter one person who declines to buy the plate after learning it was, in fact, wineless.<\/p>\n

After noon or so the clouds take a hike, and in an act of geographical placement rivaling Stonehenge, the sun perfectly lines up with the cheese counter. I neglected to bring sunscreen, because the universe requires I forget at least one thing, always, so I borrow a Long Meadow Ranch trucker hat and do my best to shield my face.<\/p>\n

\"An<\/a>

An an example of the amazing art scattered all across Outside Lands.<\/small><\/p><\/div><\/div>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s burrata?\u201d a trio of tanktopped bros in backwards caps inquires.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s kinda like a creamier mozzarella. Our burrata—a special, advance screening from BelGioioso—is infused with truffles,\u201d I tell them. The bros stand confused. \u201cIt\u2019s that, uh, big white ball thing right over there.\u201d A monger cutting a hunk of San Joaquin Gold behind me overhears, and for the rest of the weekend I will get teased about my masterly tasting notes for the artisanal, all-natural, Big White Ball.<\/p>\n

Women, drunk and otherwise, hit on me. I, too, know something of the Vendor-Love-from-Afar (my brother and I still speak fondly of the Smoothie Girl of Aught-Ten), but it was something else to encounter it from the other side. Some are smooth, others more heavy-handed, but all are direct: \u201cYou should date my friend,\u201d a blonde in a buckskin jacket levels with me, \u201cShe\u2019s really cute.\u201d I shake a few hands, forget a few names, but in the end I\u2019m happy to fulfill that role for somebody else\u2019s music festival experience.<\/p>\n

There are a handful of guys and gals who are not<\/em> so down to have a good time, or are more than a little ridiculous. After selling some plates to a pair of coeds in matching straw fedoras, one of the girls lowers her sunglasses, glances at the plate, looks at me, and asks, \u201cCan I get some crackers that aren\u2019t so cracked<\/em>?\u201d The pitch of her voice climbs as she reaches the end of the sentence, and I get the sense she talks like that even when she\u2019s not asking a question. I look around at the mongers dashing to and fro behind me, apportioning cheese and almonds and crackers at a remarkably hectic pace.<\/p>\n

I think to myself, \u201cNo.\u201d I say out loud, \u201cSorry, we\u2019ve been rationing our crackers, so what you see is what you get. But you can always buy another plate!\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Six hours and a sunburn later, the line of people needing cheese ASAP has diminished to a trickle. The Arctic Monkeys are setting up at one end of the grounds, but I know there is only one place I want to be. Exhausted and wearing a face several shades pinker than when I first arrived, I shuffle my feet toward the man who, despite his braggadocio—or, rather, because of it—I cannot help but dig and respect. I am, of course, talking about Kanye West.<\/p>\n

\"Cheeses+Yeezus_4\"<\/a><\/center><\/p>\n

Patrick joins me, and we crest the dusty rise to the lip of the Polo Field. We talk about social life in the UK versus the US (I think American driving culture has something to do with our 21-year-old drinking age) as we half-trot along with the herd. We spill out onto the lawn, squeeze between the windmills, and weave our way to a suitable distance from the stage. The anticipation builds and builds. Groups of friends chant their favorite Yeezy albums. The sun dips below the trees, and the moon makes its appearance. Finally, all eyes turn as a giant red LED cube ascends from the stage.<\/p>\n

This is what I\u2019m talking about\u2014regardless of the setlist, the sense of epic proportions is enough to make me giddy. In suitably dramatic fashion, out pops Kanye. He\u2019s wearing a diamond-studded luchador mask. A mic rests in his hand, waiting. And then it begins.<\/p>\n

\"Cheeses+Yeezus_5\"<\/a><\/center><\/p>\n

This is everything I could have hoped for: the crowd bobs its collective head, marijuana smoke drifts in clouds above me, we\u2019re down, we\u2019re having a good time. The best moment comes when Kanye stops in the middle of the song and spends a fruitless five minutes urging people to arrange themselves into dancing circles and just look<\/em> at each other.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s in this moment that I realize: Despite the vast gulf between cheeses and Yeezus, they are very much alike. Some people love them; some people can\u2019t stand them. At times they are subtle; at other times, piquant and in your face. But if you take them on their own merits—hear what they\u2019re trying to say—you will nod your head, tap your feet, and eat it up<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A lot of cheese, a good amount of Kanye West, and one heckuva good time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":22543,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"coauthors":[66],"class_list":["post-22528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCheeses & Yeezus: Dealing Dairy at San Francisco's Outside Lands - culture: the word on cheese<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/cheeses-and-yeezus\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Cheeses & Yeezus: Dealing Dairy at San Francisco's Outside Lands\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A lot of cheese, a good amount of Kanye West, and one heckuva good time.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/cheeses-and-yeezus\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"culture: the word on cheese\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/grantgbradley\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-07-21T16:32:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-02-04T20:26:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Cheese-Yeezus_ftr.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"750\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"368\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Grant Bradley\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Grant Bradley\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/cheeses-and-yeezus\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/developer83.wordpress-developer.us\/culturecheesemag\/cheeses-and-yeezus\/\",\"name\":\"Cheeses & Yeezus: Dealing Dairy at San Francisco's Outside Lands - 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